The Nameless Grace
by MJP
Summary: The change in seasons has begun. Blossoms are blooming and that which slept now awakens with a smile. Taishi and Aya have been through quite a lot so far, and everything else begins here and now...Taishi x Aya fic. R&R please!
1. Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies

ULTRA IMPORTANT BLAH BLAH BLAH

**Comic Party is the trademark of Leaf/Aquaplus as licensed in the United States by Right Stuf International, Central Park Media, and Tokyopop Entertainment. All rights belong to the copyright holders. This is a work of parody/homage. **

**_Please don't sue._**

This is going to be a Taishi x Aya fic. Yes, Taishi x Aya. I'm not forcing you to read it, so don't read it if you don't like it. :-P It's not slapstick comedy like Comic Party as we know it; it'll have its moments, but this is mostly a bit of romance and angstiness. I last wrote fanfic when I was about 16, so this is my first project in about five years that isn't original writing, rather based off of an established canon.

The canon/timeframe I'm using is the Comic Party anime, right after the end of the series. No, this isn't the Tokyopop or CPM manga version, nor is it Comic Party Revolution (As soon as I get cable, maybe even today if it's ready, I'll torrent it). Everything  
happens there leads into this. I tried to keep it as locationally accurate as possible. Enjoy and reviews are welcome!

**A/N**: On 12/9/04, I made copious use of the Backup/Export feature to replace all those single spaces between sentences with a proper double space. I also corrected italicizations that should be there but were somehow not transferred. This is an ongoing project. Enjoy the new results!

**Opening: "She Walks in Beauty" by George Gordon, Lord Byron**

"She walks in beauty, like the night  
Of cloudless climes and starry skies;  
And all that's best of dark and bright  
Meet in her aspect and her eyes:  
Thus mellow'd to that tender light  
Which heaven to gaudy day denies.

One shade the more, one ray the less,  
Had half impair'd the nameless grace  
Which waves in every raven tress,  
Or softly lightens o'er her face;  
Where thoughts serenely sweet express  
How pure, how dear their dwelling-place.

And on that cheek, and o'er that brow,  
So soft, so calm, yet eloquent,  
The smiles that win, the tints that glow,  
But tell of days in goodness spent,  
A mind at peace with all below,  
A heart whose love is innocent!"

**The Nameless Grace**

**Prologue: The Second Snow **

It didn't take much time for Japan to return to a normal, if not snowy, Asian nation after Christmas. Tsutenkaku Tower still presided over the bustling Kansai city of Osaka, NHK still broadcast old Tetsuwan Atomu reruns at midnight, and Tokyo was still the cramped metropolis that it always was.

The snow hit everyone by surprise. After a snowy Christmas Eve, the "White Christmas" so sought for its stark, evocative beauty came upon the otherwise nightmarish metropolis. Yet lives went on, trains kept running, and people kept walking on. However, the second round of snow had yet to happen. After the winter premiere of the fan-organized Comic Party, the snow fell gently once again on Tokyo.

**Part 1: Cloudless Climes and Starry Skies**

_Saturday, December 26th, 200X  
Akihabara, Tokyo  
9:50 PM_

The snowfall was light, but enough to cause foot traffic in the brightly-lit neighborhood to lessen. While not exactly a banner night for business, most of the electronics and entertainment shops were still open, their bright neon signs casting flashes of color on the snow already on the ground and giving auras to the snow already falling. Sitting on a bench, a youth with well-groomed green hair wearing a navy blue overcoat over his light brown suit and white turtleneck listlessly rolled a can of coffee between his hands. He had obviously been sitting there for quite some time, as there was a noteable dusting of snow on his shoulders.

"Someone else, is it?" Taishi Kuhonbutsu remarked in his best inquisitive/cynical tone, rolling the coffee can. He had initially bought it as a hot coffee to keep his gloveless hands heated, but it had long since gone lukewarm. "And who, pray tell, might that be..."

Taishi sighed, the steam of his breath billowing up into the cold night air. "But how can this BE!" he suddenly exclaimed, thrusting the coffee can up to the sky in a triumphant pose, his voice evoking the air and tone of an angered Karl Marx or Vladimir Lenin. "My sister, such words, the pain that they invoke cannot be spoken of!" He thrust both hands up to the sky in a silent protest against the gods of the universe.

_Please, just let me get through this. Let me be me again. Let me put it behind me, let me be strong enough to move forward. I really **am** strong. I've been through bigger disappointments, been through worse before!_

_It's not working..._

No crowd cast strange looks, no familiar glances went astray, no friendly voices said "Taishi's losing it again." Nobody lamented his geekness, nor tried to dodge his presence.

_A statue in the snow. That's it. _

_What a night._

He slumped down, leaning on the bench with his arms spread across the back. Staring up at the snowing sky, his mouth slightly open, Taishi blinked out a few snowflakes that fell behind his Lennon-frame glasses.

_This is as close to crying as I can get over her, I suppose._

_Saturday, December 26th, 200X  
Sanadokan Coffee House  
Ikebukuro, Tokyo  
7:50 PM_

"Comrade Yuu," Taishi said, standing and bowing theatrically at the waist. "Thank you for coming."

"Geez, you're laying it on with a trowel today, Taishi," Yuu Inagawa said (rather loudly) by way of reply, waving her harisen threateningly at him. A couple of heads turned at the Kansaijin in the doorway of the coffee shop, a less-fancy storefront in the otherwise upscale Ikebukuro neighborhood. She kicked the snow off her shoes and brushed her hair out with her hands, melting some of the snow.

_The more I'm around her... the more she looks like an angel, and with the snow in her hair like that..._

Masking his emotions with his trademark borderline-wild-eyed smile, he stood until Yuu came and sat down across from him.

"Gah, I'm still recovering from ComiPa yesterday," Yuu exaclaimed, stretching her arms up behind her head. "Kazuki and I were tag-teaming our table, taking quick jaunts out to go dojin-shopping, and then how we all went out for drinks and okonomiyaki afterward. What a day..."

"It seems like it was quite the stressful day, my sister," Taishi said with a nod as a waitress came up.

"I'll have a genmai tea and a strawberry millefeuille," Yuu said after the waitress made the necessary pleasantries.

"An oolong tea and bitter mousse cake, if you please, comrade," Taishi said with a nod at the waitress.

"Bitter chocolate?" Yuu said with a raised eyebrow. "I'd think you'd want as much sugar you can take in with the way you always are."

"Comrade, I am on the ComiPa Diet; I save my sugar and caffeine for when I really need it... hitting the convention circuit, of course." Taishi grinned, leaning forward a little. "And you can't say it doesn't pay off, no?"

Yuu shook her head, her two ponytails lazily undulating in waves. "Can't say that in the least. It's probably all that residual energy of yours that got Kazuki off his butt and back to drawing dojinshi."

"It was for something greater than myself," Taishi replied nobly as the waitress brought over their pastries and strainer teapots with cups and saucers.

"Enjoy," she said, placing them in front of the two as they talked and waited for their tea to steep.

"Well, here's to ComiPa," Yuu said, hoisting her teacup.

"To ComiPa," Taishi repeated, clinking his cup against hers. They each took a sip of their tea.

"I have to admit, this is definitely something new," Yuu remarked. "I'm not used to seeing you detached from Kazuki's side."

"He may be my eternal brother in dojinshi, but he does have to recuperate," Taishi responded passionately, contemplating Yuu through the steam of his tea.

_You can do it, Taishi. Be subtle. Be smooth. You know her. You're her friend._

"Besides, I was hoping you and I would at least have a chance to talk outside the context of ComiPa or the preparation thereof," Taishi remarked.

"Oh?" Yuu grinned, raising an eyebrow. "You mean you talk about things other than ComiPa?"

"Ouch," Taishi said jokingly. "Et tu, Inagawa-san?"

"Cut the '-san' business, Taishi," Yuu said, waving her harisen threateningly with her free left hand as she sipped tea from the mug in her right. "If you're going to ditch that 'comrade' line of yours, you're going to call me by the name any other friend would call me."

_Any other friend?_

"But of course, Yuu," Taishi said, folding his arms, closing his eyes, and smiling with a nod. _Can't be shocked,_ Taishi thought. _Can't show surprise. Don't let her just see you as a friend..._

"It just occurred to me during ComiPa that I really know so little about you... besides dojinshi, your rivalry with Oba-san. I know there's got to be more to Yuu Inagawa besides that."

"Taishi, this is a whole other side of you..." Yuu said, somewhat stunned. "I mean... there's really not that much about me to find out."

Taishi shook his head and smiled gently. "Call it just a wandering little voice in my head that just wondered about you a little..."

Yuu smiled, closed her eyes, and shook her head. "I think I know what you're getting at, Taishi."

Taishi raised an eyebrow. _Does this mean something? Does she feel the same way? Kami-sama, Buddha, any compassionate god or spirit, please let her feel the same way..._

"I'm sorry, Taishi. I'm flattered, I really am, but... well, I never saw us as anything more than friends, and I don't want to change that..."

Taishi held up his hand, chuckled, and then began laughing in his standard way. "But of course, but of course, comrade Yuu!" he exclaimed, back to his usual self. "Far be it for me to bring about such intimations to the contrary. The worldwide brotherhood and sisterhood of dojinshi is indeed one that thrives on such friendships, such that it will be the very ease of cooperation that brings about our conquest!" Punctuating his speech with a trademark "Muahahahahahahaha!!" he thrust his fist to his chest in a dramatic salute, eyes turned skyward with a look of glee.

_Grandstand. You've got to grandstand. Make her think it doesn't matter. Pound your chest, be masculine, be strong. Don't make it look like you're trying to restart your slowly sinking heart._

Taishi's dramatic performance was interrupted with a loud, cracking **WHAP!** as Yuu's harisen firmly impacted on his head. "Can it, mein fuhrer, we're in public," she said flatly. Taishi rubbed the impact point gingerly, sitting down gently.

Yuu pointed the harisen at him, closing one eye and acting like she was aiming a pistol. "It's not you, it's me," she said. "Lame excuse, I know, but if you start getting all depressed and angsty on me, I'll knock you all the way to Sapporo. Hear me?"

"I hear you, comrade, I hear you," Taishi said, holding up his hands in surrender and grinning. "There's no need for violence. I will comply with your demands as you have negotiated them."

"Good," Yuu said with a grin, "just so I know you're not disappointed or anything."

_Who is it?_

"It's just... well, to be totally honest, I like someone else."

_She's always very honest..._

"Oh? I never would have expected you to have your eyes on someone in that manner, comrade."

_Why did you have to be honest to me, Yuu..._

_And who is he?_

"Dare I ask who the lucky person is?" Taishi asked inquisitively.

"'fraid that's a carefully kept se-cr-et." Yuu said, teasingly sticking out her tongue.

It was all Taishi could do to keep his standard impassioned, almost-fanatical look on his face. _She's so cute. I never saw her do anything like that before... something so feminine like that..._

**Later...**

"Here, just so there's no hard feelings, I'll even do something a Kansai girl would never do. Pick up the check." Yuu reached for the slip of paper just as Taishi held up a hand.

"Comrade, it was I who asked you here, and I who shall shoulder both the joy and the sorrow. That sorrow easily includes a few thousand yen for tea and pastries."

"Nah, I got it," Yuu said, shaking her head. "At least let me assuage my guilty conscience for earlier."

"But comrade, you must allow me to assuage my guilty conscience for even implying the possibility of such transgressions within the dojinship."

**WHAP!**

"Okay, okay, you can pay!" Taishi said, recovering his glasses, which had flown off from the harisen slap.

"See, I told you not to get all angsty and emo on me," Yuu said with a chuckle, tucking her harisen into her purse. "Here, I'll atone by paying, and you can atone by walking me to the nearest Marunochi Line station. I gotta get home to Ogikubo."

"Fair enough," Taishi replied as Yuu set down ¥2275 for the two of them.

_I get to walk her to her station,_ Taishi thought as they walked towards the Ikebukuro JR Station, talking and trading stories that they hadn't yet caught up on from ComiPa. _I get to walk her to her station as she just floats through the snow. I get to be around the object of my affections._

He bunched his hands in his pockets, having left his gloves at home. _I get to see her fall in love with someone else. I don't get to be there, I don't get to feel the smoothness of the skin on her hands... I don't get to kiss her good night, I don't win. I lose._

"Oh, here we are," Yuu said as they came up on the station, a few minutes later. She spun around on her heels, hands tucked behind her back, smiling. "Thanks for walking me baaaWHOA!"

As she spun quickly, she slipped on a patch of wet ground or ice from the below-freezing temperatures. Reacting like lightning, Taishi whipped his hands out of his pockets and dove forward, catching Yuu as she slipped backwards toward the ice.

_For a moment... just for a moment... let me be something to you. Let me have been the man who helped you, the man who at least got the chance..._

Yuu felt her falling sensation swiftly come to a stop, but not with the hard hit of concrete to her back and to her head. Instead, she was at a sharp angle, her weight being supported by two strong arms. She blinked from the sudden cease in motion, and looked up to see Taishi's dark green eyes steeled with concern, not more than six inches from her.

Taishi had caught Yuu in the closest accidental equivalent of a slow-dance partner being dipped precariously low to the ground. Yuu's breath involuntarily quickened, turning into puffs of steam in the cold night. Taishi breathed at a similar pace, only deeper; the both of their hearts were pounding. Half from adrenaline, half from the position that they were in.

A cold breath of wind blew across Ikebukuro and the two high school seniors. "Are you okay, Yuu?" Taishi asked, his voice having lost all elements of theatre and bluster.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Yuu said, swallowing. "You're pretty quick... thanks for saving my butt like that."

_Kiss her. This is your only chance, Taishi._

"It was nothing..." Taishi said, smiling. "I'm just glad you're okay."

_This is as close as you'll get. You can kiss her, despite her love for someone else. Just here and now. Kiss her... it's the only chance you'll get._

The next five seconds were the longest five heartbeats of Taishi Kuhonbutsu's life. Before she could tell him to help her back up, he pulled Yuu to her feet, let go of her, and stepped back.

"You've got far too much that you've given to the worldwide dojinship to be injured," he said in a mock-scolding tone. "Don't go damaging that brain of yours, or worse, your drawing arm."

"Ha!" Yuu scoffed, rolling up her sleeve and flexing her bicep. It didn't do much in the musculature sense, but it made the point. "It'll take more than a slip-and-fall to stop the star of Karamitei, Yuu Inagawa!"

_Never again. This won't ever happen again. One kiss, and then you could have dealt with the consequences._

"Thanks again for saving me," Yuu said, closing her eyes and smiling. "And thanks for tonight, too. I needed a night out."

"The pleasure was all mine, my sister," Taishi said, adjusting his glasses after they had come a little loose from the sudden rescue. "Will I see you at the Meiji Jingu shrine for New Year's?"

"You betcha!" Yuu replied as she dug out her rail pass and swiped it into the station turnstile. "I can't wait to see everyone; just make sure you give Eimi the wrong directions!"

They waved their farewells. Taishi stuck around long enough to see her sneakers disappear up the stairs to the station platform, then turned smartly around and exhaled deeply.

"So, this is being shot down, is it..." Taishi muttered to nobody in particular. He held up his hands, the ones which had held Yuu only a moment ago, and as if to mock himself, maneuvered his hands as if they were aircraft crashing to the ground.

"Kaboom," he said, sighing deeply.

_You could have. You should have. Why didn't you? Why in the living hell didn't you kiss her? She's wonderful, you have so much fun together, you've spent so much time talking... being with each other. Being friends... is friends. But to be more would have been wonderful... and it'll never happen._

"I'm sorry, comrade," Taishi said, looking up at the snow falling from the sky. He blinked away the tears forming in his eyes, but they couldn't even form before the cold winds began to pick up a little, drying his eyes out. "I had to fall back on my promise not to get depressed about this."

**To be continued...**


	2. One Shade the More

**Part 2: One Shade the More**

_Saturday, December 27th, 200X  
__Akihabara, Tokyo  
__9:55 PM_

_This isn't working..._

Taishi pocketed the quickly-cooling can of coffee, rubbing his hands together and breathing into them for warmth. His eyes were still moist from the tears that hadn't yet fallen; something was just holding them back. The snow had heavily dusted his overcoat. Still, he felt nothing of the temperature sitting on his bench in Akihabara.

_It would be nice to cry,_ he thought. _To just abandon the way the world sees me and sob like a child. What I wouldn't give to not care about the outside... what I wouldn't give not to have to worry about the way others see me. What I wouldn't give to be able to stand on my own..._

Taishi shivered again, tightly closing his eyes at a briskly cold wind blowing snow through the streets. He ducked into a side street off of the windward main road, finding himself looking up at familiar signs.

"Looks like I ended up in my old stomping grounds..." Taishi mused to himself, staring at the Cosmix Café sign. "Might as well keep walking... the last thing I need now is human contact." 

_I don't want anyone to be able to make me feel worse. As if it could get worse. No people, no worries, nothing._

Staring back over his shoulder, Taishi turned around back to the street, but as the snow picked up and spun in cyclones, driven onwards by colder and colder winds, the thought of walking around outside and alone became less and less appealing.

_Fine. I'll warm up, have a cup of coffee, and go home. What a Saturday night this turned out to be..._

"Hi, welcome to Cos—oh!" a familiar voice greeted as Taishi walked through the door of the café, kicking the snow off of his shoes in the verenda.

_Be as normal as you can. Don't let them suspect anything._

"Comrade Reiko, how good it is to see the café still fares well under your expertise," Taishi said with a grin and a mock nod of approval.

Reiko Haga grinned wryly, rolled her eyes, and adjusted the cat ears she was wearing as part of her costume. "Nice to know you approve, Kuho-kun," she said. "What do you think? It's Excel Saga today; I drew Ropponmatsu II."

"Ah, the fusion of genki, catgirl, and seifuku girl," Taishi remarked, rubbing his chin and looking Reiko over appraisingly. "It's quite becoming on you, comrade."

"Thanks!" Reiko said with a confident smile. "It's just a couple old throw-togethers, but it worked out OK. You just here to say hi, or do you want a table? Maybe something to go?"

"A table would be perfect," Taishi replied.

"Well, you've got reign of the place," Reiko said, spreading her arm as if to show off the empty café. "Go ahead and sit wherever you like; you still like café latte?"

"You know me far too well, my sister," Taishi proclaimed. Reiko responded with a wink and a half-salute.

Taishi scanned the café as Reiko went into the kitchen. _Good, nobody but one other person,_ he thought, noticing the back of a head in the far corner booth. He took a booth a space or two away from the occupied one, his back to the only other person in the café, and he tossed his jacket on the far edge of the table.

_What am I doing here, anyway..._ Taishi thought, propping his chin in his hand and staring into space. _I've been rejected. Shot down. All the coffee in Colombia won't change that now. _

"I haven't had to worry about this yet..." Taishi said out loud in a low speaking voice to nobody in particular. "I've always been happy on my own, so content in leading my own life and accomplishing my goals. Why am I so sad about someone else not wanting to be with me?"

Taishi leaned his head on his folded arms on the tabletop. "This isn't fair," he said, sighing deeply. "Why not me? What am I doing wrong?" Sniffling gently, either from sadness or the cold, Taishi just stared at the stack of paper napkins on the table. "Yuu-chan... why not me?"

Taishi didn't hear the rustle of fabric rustling at his last statement. The slight sound was covered up by the sound of footsteps coming back from the kitchen. Taishi quickly sat up straight, grabbing a folded-up manga from his coat pocket and pretending to leaf through it.

"Café latte," Reiko said, placing two tiny pitchers—one filled with rich, dark espresso coffee, the other with steamed milk—and a mug in front of Taishi. "Anything else you need, Kuho-kun?"

"This caffeine will provide me all the energy I'll need, my eternal sister," Taishi said gratefully. Reiko bowed and withdrew.

"I'll be balancing the till if you need me. We're closing soon, but feel free to stick around for a while."

Taishi absentmindedly dumped three packets of sugar into a splash of the coffee and stirred it limply. _I'll warm up, drink the coffee, pay, and go home,_ he thought as his spoon clinked against the ceramic mug.

"To think that for all the things I unload on other people that lead to success, I can't go to anyone when I'm down... not like I would even if I had the option..." Taishi sighed deeply. "Taishi Kuhonbutsu? Depressed? Angsty? They'd think it was a trick."

There was a _clink_ of ceramic from a few tables back, another rustle of fabric, and light, gentle footsteps. Just as Taishi started to pour the hot milk into some of the coffee in the mug, he started stirring again...

"Um... Kuhonbutsu-san?" a soft, low voice quietly asked.

Taishi's body jumped a little at having been stealthily approached, which was not a good thing considering the small pitcher of piping-hot milk in his right hand.

"Hasebe-saaOOOW!"

Aya Hasebe's hands flew to her mouth as if to cover it up quickly, taking a step back at Taishi's shocked exclamation.

"Oh... Kuhonbutsu-san, I'm so sorry... are you all right?" Aya eked out almost frightfully, as if fearing retribution.

Taishi shook his hand off. "My sister, you gave me quite a shock," Taishi said wistfully, blowing on his hand. "It appears that this is a minor wound, though, not even worth worry."

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you like that. Here, let me clean that off for you." With that, Aya reached for a handful of napkins from the tabletop with her left hand and took Taishi's hand in her free right.

_What? Why does this feel nice?_

Gently blotting up the milk from Taishi's hand, Aya let go and bowed deeply at the waist. "I'm terribly, terribly sorry, Kuhonbutsu-san."

Taishi didn't even notice Aya's apology. It took him a moment to shake himself out of a mild trance, simply staring at his wounded/gently held hand.

"Hasebe-san, don't worry about it," Taishi said with a smile. "All the flesh is still there, see?" He held up his hand and showed her both sides theatrically. "It will take more than hot temperatures to drown out the burning passion within my heart."

Aya looked up questioningly. "Burning... passion?"

"Yes!" Taishi exclaimed, springing to his feet explosively, back to his normal self. "The passion for all things dojinshi that is shared within the very walls of this café will not die so easily! The sprit of cosplay, the spirit of the dojinship... it burns with greater fire than any hot milk could extinguish!"

Aya straightened up and folded her hands at her waist as Taishi went on. Within a moment, he was invoking the spirit of Osamu Tezuka and standing with one foot on the bench, another foot on the table.

"Kuhonbutsu-san... um... is something the matter?"

"The matter?" Taishi asked, looking aside from his re-enactment of the struggle against the bourgiousie with a handful of sugar packets and a spoon. "Why ever would something be the matter, my eternal sister?"

"No reason..." Aya said shyly, looking down and to the side. "It's just that nobody ever comes here at this time of night on Saturdays... it's always been really quiet. I didn't mean to interrupt you..." she bowed gently again. "I'm sorry for having gotten in your way."

"No, wait, please don't leave, Hasebe-san," Taishi exclaimed, quickly leaping down. "I don't mean to interrupt whatever it was you were doing... but..."

_I need to talk to someone. I need you. Please, Aya... if you could just listen, then please just listen..._

"Um..." Aya said, looking back up at him. His John Lennon glasses could only partially shade over the deep, resonating green of his eyes, and she saw something other than the normal look in them. "I... I wasn't doing anything important..."

"Can I impose on you for your time?" Taishi asked rather quietly, his voice significantly lower and more intense. "It's just... I don't want to be alone right now."

"I..." Aya blinked her wide green eyes curiously. "I've never seen you like this, Kuhonbutsu-san."

"I've just had kind of a rough night," Taishi lamented, shaking his head. "You'll have to pardon me if I don't really care that much about dojinshi or world conquest all that much tonight. Besides, from reading what you write, I can tell that you know more about these things than anyone else."

"These things?"

"Emotions, human feelings..." Taishi said wistfully, looking down at the floor and tracing a circle with his left shoe.

_I don't know what to feel..._

"You've got something I don't, Hasebe-san. You know how to feel, how to understand feelings."

_Where is this coming from? All this, all of a sudden..._

Aya nodded, the nervousness on her face starting to fade. "Taishi-san, I think I understand," she said with a little more confidence. "I'm not great with this... but I can try to help..."

Taishi looked up at her more casual usage of his first name as she reached for her own steaming mug of coffee and sat down across from him. "What happened?" she asked.

"Just... just don't tell anyone, okay?" Taishi said, slumping into his chair. "If you couldn't tell, I'm not always like this, and I'd rather nobody knew about me in a state like this."

"Why not?" Aya innocently asked, cradling her still-hot coffee mug in one hand.

"Why _not?_" Taishi replied incredulously. "_Look_ at me, Hasebe-san! I've been one step towards tears all night long, choking them back so I don't look like some fool who just got shot down!"

"I see..." Aya said, nodding. "So Inagawa-san wasn't interested..."

"You _knew_!?" Taishi said, banging his forehead on the table repeatedly. "Why didn't anyone ever tell me..."

"Hurting yourself won't solve anything, Taishi-kun," Aya said with some urgency, reaching across the table and catching his head in her hands.

Taishi froze in mid-bang, again not expecting the softness of Aya's gentle hands.

_Why does this make me feel so good..._

Aya moved her hands from the sides of Taishi's head to his cheeks, gently pushing his head back upright. "Taishi-kun..." Aya quietly started. "I don't mean to be rude, but you're getting dramatic again."

"Yeah..." Taishi said with a sigh. "I guess it's just what I do..."

"I hope you weren't like that around Inagawa-san..."

"I..." Taishi sighed, looking down into his latte. "I tried all I could. I didn't want her to be like Kazuki and I are... like friends. I didn't want her to think that I saw her as 'Comrade Yuu.' It's just... when I started, it was..."

"... too hard to stop, wasn't it..." Aya said quietly, staring into her coffee.

Taishi looked up at her. "You sound as if you've been in something like this before, Hasebe-san..."

Aya blushed deeply. "I... I suppose it's easier for you because you can be outgoing, Taishi-kun," she said, biting her lower lip briefly. "It's easier to be open to people... to have outward courage. But it's... at least you could get it out, Taishi-kun... you should be proud for that much."

"Proud of what?" Taishi said, propping his chin in his hand and staring lifelessly at the tabletop. "My only pride is that the woman I like won't like me back. I think I'd rather trade places with you, Hasebe-san."

"Taishi-kun..." Aya started. "What would you say if I told you the same thing happened to me?"

Taishi looked up. "You spouted propaganda while trying to confess your feelings for the person you liked?"

Aya shook her head, smiling. "I... it was before I met all of you, last year. Only I was a lot more obvious..."

"What did you do?" Taishi asked, looking Aya straight in the eyes, his own expression intrigued and open.

"Well... I really liked him. I mean, _really_ liked him," she said, looking shyly into her coffee and stirring her spoon. "Just being in the same room as him made me feel special, just talking to him made me nervous... one day, I was idly sketching him looking off into a window, and it turned into my first dojinshi."

Aya blinked a few times, her eye taking on a moist sheen. "I... I wrote it, refined it, printed it, and dedicated it to him..." she sipped her coffee, swallowed deeply, and met Taishi's gaze.

"It was called 'Hazel Sunlight,' a play on the color of his eyes. It was just everything I had ever thought... how much I enjoyed being around him, how nervous I got... it was every single escapist dream I'd had of him, just sneaking glances at him during class, during lunch... and..."

"... he bought it?" Taishi asked quietly.

"While I was out getting lunch, the other circle at my table was watching my things... at Comic Ichiban..." Aya replied, taking a deep breath. "He was there... I know because the person watching my table saw someone pick up my book, leaf through it, throw it down in shock, and walk away, shaking his head."

"Hasebe-san..."

"I was hoping that he'd see it, of course," Aya said, looking down into her coffee. "And he did. He saw it, he read it, he understood enough. He saw 'For Takashi, with all my heart' on the inside cover. He saw the protagonist who looked almost exactly like me. He saw himself in it. He never spoke to me after that."

Taishi watched Aya's gaze sink deeper into the depths of her espresso. The dark, sweet coffee reflected Aya's image in its still surface, growing slightly cooler. It was all he could do not to reach over and take her hands in his right there, either out of solidarity or just plain desire for human contact...

_I want to take her hand and help ease her pain. She doesn't deserve that. Nobody does._

"Hasebe-san... no, Aya-chan..." Taishi said, taking a deep breath. "I never knew... I never knew someone had ever been so cold and unfeeling towards you..."

"Well... part of me thinks it might have been for the better," Aya said, looking up at Taishi, the moist trail of a tear running down her cheek. "Because... because I couldn't tell him in words, I had to write it... and I ended up looking like a stalker, really," she said, laughing gently in spite of herself. "But... but he found out in the end, and... and then he knew, then we _both_ knew, that it wasn't going to happen."

_What an idiot he was. Nobody deserves that._

"I... I wish I could tell you something to make things better, Taishi-kun..." Aya said quietly. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you seem minimized, or to make things worse... I'm really sorry..."

Taishi reached into his suit coat pocket and pulled out a packet of tissues. He tore the top open and extended it to her.

"Thank you," Aya said, reaching for the tissue, blinking away tears and dabbing daintily at her eyes. "I... I guess I didn't ever really have the chance to tell anyone about all that..."

Taishi nodded. "I felt the same way," he said, reaching for a tissue of his own.

_Now she has me shedding tears... and I was trying to be strong, too..._

"I think you were braver than I was, Taishi-kun," Aya said with a sigh. "You were able to look Inagawa-san in the eye and tell her how you felt. You made the risk, you got it out there, and even after she turned you down... well, I never thought Inagawa-san would be the type to hold a grudge..."

Taishi held up a hand as if to say STOP. "Aya-chan, you overestimate me," he said. "I never actually told her."

Aya blinked. "Oh..." she said. "Then... what happened?"

"I..." Taishi said, taking a deep breath. "If you can tell your story, I might as well tell mine..."

Taishi told her everything. How he saw her, how he wanted to be with her, to be more than friends... how he had asked her out for coffee, how the evening had went...

"... and it was just as if it were another topic," he said, lamenting about how the rest of his night was spent wandering in the snow. "I hinted at it, she blew me away, and we just went on. Then I got to hold her... to _feel_ her, to be in a situation as if I were embracing her. So close, so far."

Aya nodded quietly. "It never is fair how things turn out when they turn out like this..." she observed.

"You're telling me," Taishi said. "Then it ended up like this... and here we are, tied together by the red string of fate."

Aya giggled gently. "That doesn't sound like something a boy would say."

"I guess you haven't noticed I'm not your everyday boy, Aya-chan," Taishi said, laughing back at her.

_For a moment... let's just laugh together..._

"Hey, what's so funny over here?" a voice cracked from over at the cash register. Aya turned over he shoulder and Taishi looked up to see Reiko leaning up against the door in her street clothes.

"We've gotta close up, you two," she said, shrugging. "Sorry, but we'll be open tomorrow if you really need your coffee."

Aya turned back to the table to reach into her purse, but Taishi had already left ¥980 on the table for the two of them.

"I owe you for far more than coffee," Taishi said sincerely as he stood up and pulled on his jacket. "Can I walk you somewhere?"

Aya looked away and blushed. "Um... I live in Mitaka, so I'm just going to the nearest Isanko line station... you don't have to trouble yourself on my account."

Taishi shook his head. "At the risk of being dramatic, I think I'd just like to make sure you get there safe..."

Aya gently held up a finger to her lips and tossed her head back towards the door, where Reiko was putting on her coat.

"Let's just leave," she said in a whisper.

Taishi nodded.

_She's right. Don't want any rumors to fly... but at this point, I don't care about my chances with Yuu anymore, so what's the point if I'm seen leaving a café with Aya?_

_Saturday, December 27th, 200X  
CosMix Café  
Akihabara, Tokyo  
__11:05 PM_

"I'll see you guys later," Reiko said, heading off towards the Yamanote line station for Akihabara. "New Year's morning at Meiji Jingu, right?"

"Of course, my sister," Taishi said in his normal drama. "If the world were to stop spinning, I would defy all lack of gravity to be there!"

"Just stay bolted down, Kuho-kun," Reiko said with a wave. "I'm sure Aya-chan will make darn well sure you make it."

Aya covered her mouth with her hands, blushing madly. "I... um... well, I'd... um..."

Reiko winked and dashed off through the lightening snow.

Aya adjusted her tan parka, tossed her dark purple wool scarf around her neck, and pulled on her white gloves. "Sorry to keep you waiting," she said apologetically, looking up at Taishi. "I'm not very good with the cold." She looked up at him, cheeks red with wintry blush.

Taishi looked aside sheepishly. "No worries," he said shyly. "You look really... comfortable."

Aya smiled at him. "I feel comfortable... that is... well, not just from the cold, Taishi-kun."

Taishi grinned and shook his head. "I guess we're both fools, and what's worse than two fools feeding off of each other, eh?"

"Um... something like that," Aya said, smiling inwardly.

_Well, I guess we're both a little vulnerable right now... but then again, Aya's felt this way for years... maybe she just feels better after all this coming out. Yeah, that's it. I mean, I know **I** do..._

"Do you... do you feel a little better, Taishi-kun?" Aya asked as they walked towards the station, slowly enough to keep balance on the quickly-freezing sidewalk.

"Very much so," Taishi said, stretching his arms behind his head. "Just getting it all out... just talking about it made things feel so much better. I guess I'm still sad about it... well, I'm not _happy,_ but... well, you seem to be well-adjusted enough after what you went through with Takashi. You're stronger than you may think or seem, Aya-chan."

Aya looked away and to the ground. "I'm not really that strong..." Aya said quietly.

"No, I think you are, Aya-chan. You were able to keep on making dojinshi, something that you always enjoyed, and to make them as heartfelt and understanding as ever. I still wish I could have your insight into the way people think..."

"But I'm not that insightful!" Aya blurted out, interrupting Taishi. She took a few quick steps forward, turned around, and looked Taishi right in the eye. "I couldn't find the right way to confess to Takashi... I couldn't make you feel better about Inagawa-san... all I can do is react, all I can do is find a way to keep pressing onward. I'm _not_ strong, Taishi-kun!" she blurted, closing her eyes and shaking her head. "I'm not strong at all..."

Taishi reached out and grasped Aya's shoulders gently. She opened her eyes, starting to fog with tears, only to see Taishi's eyes tearing up as well.

_I... I don't know what to say... but I **won't** be the next man to make Aya Hasebe cry..._

"Aya-chan... strength isn't necessarily the ability to make a solution..." Taishi said. "It's... it's the ability to try. I mean, yes, to try, but to _really_ be able to try... with all your honesty and desire to affect a resolution... to give of yourself, to risk yourself... and to be able to maybe make a difference..."

Taishi hung his head, not entirely dramatically. "I'm sorry, Aya-chan," he said. "I never was very good at expressing this sort of thing..."

"Well..." Aya said, wiping her eyes with the back of her jacket sleeve. "No, Taishi-kun, you're right... but... I think I just wanted to hear it from you, that's all..."

"Trying to extract the benefits of your teachings, comrade Aya?" Taishi said teasingly, pulling his hands back and making a tsk-tsk-tsk motion with two fingers.

Aya giggled, then took a deep breath. "Taishi-kun... will you close your eyes for just a moment?"

"Close my eyes?" Taishi asked.

She nodded. "Just close your eyes. I just need to do something... I promise I won't take too much of your time..." she tilted her head away, blushing. "Unless you'd rather just go home..."

"My eyes are closed," Taishi said, closing his eyes.

_Do I... do I still want to be with Yuu? I'm just helping Aya, she's just helping me..._

The coldness of the night sunk away with a mild shock as he felt two soft, gentle hands on his back and a sudden warm feeling over the front of his body. Taishi felt a tingle run up the small of his back and to his shoulders, and the feminine scent of lavender warmed the cold night with its presence.

"Just let me be like this for a moment, Taishi-kun... let me prove you right, that strength is giving of yourself when a risk is involved..."

Taishi kept his eyes closed as Aya embraced him, leaning her cheek against his chest gently. He kept his eyes closed, trying to keep his arms at his sides.

_Do I hug her back? Do I just stand here? Do I kiss her? Twice in one night, and she isn't Yuu... but this feels so much closer... so much more special..._

"A-Aya-chan, I..." Taishi whispered.

Aya let him go, and Taishi opened his eyes. "I'm sorry if that felt a little out of place..." Aya said, smiling gently and briefly looking away from him. "But... I think you're right, Taishi... I guess I don't know my own strength..."

"No, Aya..." Taishi said, shaking his head. "I think you're keenly aware... more so than you might hint at."

Aya looked up at the snow, which was slowly stopping. "Maybe that's how it is," she said. "But then again, maybe I knew it all along..."

"Aya-chan, what should I do?"

"What should you do?" Aya repeated, still looking up at the snow. "Do you love Inagawa-san? Would you spend the rest of your life with her if she asked you right this moment? Would you raise children with her? Would you love her every day you were together?"

"That... that might be a little much..." Taishi said reluctantly. "I mean... I like her... but I don't know if I love her..."

"Then you already know what you should do," Aya said, turning around and looking Taishi right in the eye. "You either wait in the wings, pine away, and let it get to you... or you realize that Taishi Kuhonbutsu existed before Yuu Inagawa and he'll still exist after Yuu Inagawa."

"It's just so hard..." Taishi said, rubbing his ungloved palms together, breathing into them for warmth. "You know how it is... how long did it take you to get over Takashi?"

"Taishi-kun, if your hands are cold, you warm them up, don't you?" Aya asked.

"What?" Taishi replied quizzically, looking at his own hands. "Of course..."

"Then why don't you warm your heart back up if it's feeling cold?"

Taishi sighed, his breath steaming in the cold night. "It isn't that easy for me to do..."

"Do I have to ask you to close your eyes again, Taishi-kun?"

"Um..." Taishi blushed slightly. "Aya-chan, I..."

"That's what I'm trying to get across to you, Taishi-kun. Sometimes, we can't heal ourselves completely. If strength is risking, then you need to be strong by risking your image and reaching out to the people who care about you..."

Taishi froze in mid-stride as they were walking. Pondering just for a moment, he watched Aya's back as she went a few steps ahead of him. As her dark raven hair undulated in the cloudy, cold night, he watched her walk just for that moment. As she turned to face him, he found himself dumbstruck.

_Why do I feel like this now..._

_How could it turn to this so quickly? Why have I been thinking of her like this... and why do I want her to hug me like that again?_

"Aya-chan..." Taishi said, taking the few steps between them to stand facing her.

Aya smiled gently, sincerely, her green eyes moistened by tears from the cold.

"You don't know how right you are..." he said, leaning down and to the side, kissing her gently on the cheek. "Thank you."

Aya immediately blushed and touched her cheek gently. "T-Taishi-kun..." she said breathily.

Taishi smiled. "My sister, you don't know your own strengths that well, do you?" he asked, some of his normality rising back up again.

"I suppose I don't..." Aya replied quietly, still blushing, her smile stuck on her face.

"Let's get you home," Taishi said dramatically. "For the masses seek shelter, and in many ways, those masses have their wisdom."

"Yes..." Aya replied. "But... just before we go anywhere..."

As Taishi turned to look at her, he felt Aya's gentle hand around the inside of his forearm, grasping it gently. She looked up at him, smiling... "I hope you don't mind..."

_She... she feels it. She feels the same thing I do._

_Am I happy... was I just after the feeling... or... was I just after her?_

"If I minded, I'd be dumber than Takashi," Taishi replied, smiling at Aya. "Shall we?"

"Yes."


	3. Days in Goodness Spent

**Part 3: Days of Goodness Spent**

_Sunday, December 28th, 200X  
Aoyama Public Baths  
Ichiguro 17-24, Tokyo  
10:00 AM_

Taishi Kuhonbutsu was never one to neglect his health and well-being. His morning run happened seven days a week, every day, in rain or snow. On school days, he was up at 6 AM; his weekends allowed him a more leisurely 8:30 wakeup.

An hour's run brought all his sweat to the surface, and his stop at the public baths afterwards gave him the time to wash off and have a hot soak to loosen his awakened muscles.

Today, though, it gave him time to think as he sunk into the dark blue marble of the men's section of the baths.

_Last night... I walked her to her station, she hugged me again, and went off. _

_This is Aya we're talking about. Aya Hasebe. Quiet, calm Aya. Aya who never says an unsolicited word. Aya whose creativity is masterful and gentle. _

_Aya who had me close my eyes so she could hug me... was she worried that I'd push her away? Did she have some motive in trying to shock me? No, she couldn't have been. But maybe she just didn't want me to be too surprised. _

_The meaning of it... to suddenly hug me, but then..._

_Saturday, December 27th, 200X  
Akihabara Station, Isanko Line entrance  
11:28 PM_

The rest of their walk had been slightly more animated. Taishi played the classical gentleman, his ungloved hands in his pockets, all the better for Aya, playing the classical lady of grace and refinement, to loop one hand into the crook of his arm.

"But you still act that way," Aya pointed out in the midst of their conversation. "Even to the people you care about, you really do act like a member of Rage Against the Machine."

"It just suits me, really," Taishi said, looking down and grinning. "I read too many books that I shouldn't have when I was younger. I thought, 'why don't people really get inspired when they hear charismatic leaders speak?' People like Lenin, Country Joe and the Fish, and Martin Luther King stirred millions to action with well-delivered words from the points of view that they believed in. I mean, doesn't that just deliver testament to believing in something?" Taishi asked rhetorically, looking up at the stars.

"It does," Aya said, nodding gently. "But there are so many causes. There are too many things to believe in, too many things to cast your lot into... wouldn't it just be easier to believe in what there is, rather than a goal or driving force?"

Taishi shrugged. "I always wanted to get someplace..." he said reminiscently. "Anyone can study hard and do well in school, anyone can work out and get in shape. After I did these, I wanted more... I wanted the challenges, I wanted something to fight for. I got dojinshi, and now look at Kazuki... well, that is, _Kazuki_ got dojinshi," he corrected.

"But just keep in mind, Taishi-kun, that victory in one goal inevitably means defeat for another," Aya pointed out. "You can easily succeed in motivating Kazuki to dojinshi, but what else does that do in the interim?"

"Quite the philosopher," Taishi said by means of an answer. "'I found that just surviving was a noble fight,' to quote another great mind."

"Something like that," Aya responded, squeezing Taishi's upper arm gently. "When was the last time you did something for yourself, Taishi-kun?"

"The last time I did something for myself?" Taishi asked, searching his mind. "Um... would it count if I said that human beings only do things for themselves and their own interests?" he grinned weakly at his attempt to invoke Ayn Rand.

"Taishi-kun, one of these days, enjoy something because you want it," Aya suggested. "Don't do it for any reason, to advance any goal, don't do it because you have to. Do it because you want to, because you _like_ to. Besides the whole pursuit of dojinshi, what makes you tick? What makes Taishi-kun Taishi-kun?"

"Aya-chan, that's a very, very good question..." Taishi said musingly, pausing in mid-stride and rubbing his chin in thought, evoking the famous _Thinker_ statue. "That is truly a good question."

"You should find that out," she said, letting go of his arm and folding her hands low on her abdomen. "I know there's more to you than dojinshi, and once you find out who you are and what you enjoy, think of how much you won't feel the need to fight anymore."

"How very Buddhist," Taishi noted observantly. "I didn't know you were into that sort of thing."

"It helps me put the world into perspective a little," Aya admitted shyly, as if confessing to having spilled milk. "I don't really practice much, but it does help..."

"Nothing to be ashamed of," Taishi said, holding up his hands, smiling. "Technically speaking, my family and I are all Christians, but we haven't seen the inside of a church in years, not since my baptism. That, too, helps piece things together, even though we still go to Shinto shrines most of the time."

"It's better than Aum Shinrikyo, I'm sure," Aya remarked with a smile. "Oh... this is my station," she said as they came up on the Isanko entrance of the huge Akihabara underground stop.

"You... will you be coming to the shrine with us on New Year's?" Taishi asked, shifting his weight a little to his right leg.

"Of course," Aya said, blushing. "It wouldn't be New Year's without a shrine visit."

"Well, I'll see you there," Taishi said with a smile.

_What does she look like in a kimono?_

"Taishi-kun, I know that I might not be able to help you with Inagawa-san. I still don't think that I really have any superior grasp on emotions and the way we feel about people we care about, but I-"

Taishi held up a hand and shook his head. "Aya-chan, you still don't know y-"

Aya gently placed two fingers over Taishi's mouth. "I... I like not having a solid grasp on emotions, Taishi-kun," she said, looking slightly away from his curious eyes. "To not have a grasp means that... it means that they're still something to be felt, rather than analyzed. I may be naïve, but... but this is what works best for me."

_I wish I could feel it, too..._

Taishi took Aya's slight, feminine hand in his ungloved hands, squeezing hers gently. "I understand, Aya-chan. Believe me, I understand."

Aya made no move to withdraw her hand. "You know... Taishi-kun, you don't have to treat me any differently because of all this..."

Taishi shook his head. "No, no, I'm not doing this because I have to, I'm doing this because I _want _to."

The words came out of his mouth before he realized it. From a chance encounter to holding her hand in front of her station, Taishi had suddenly admitted that he was no longer in Aya Hasebe's company by the obligation of a good Japanese person, following social credo and cultural mores laid down since Confucius, but because he, Taishi Kuhonbutsu, a man of seventeen years, wanted to be with Aya Hasebe, a woman of the same age.

_I feel the same way towards her as I do towards Yuu... what does that mean?_

"I am," Taishi said, squeezing Aya's hand gently, "here with you because I want to be here with you."

Aya blushed heavily. "I really should be going..."

"Can I call you sometime?"

Aya freed her hand from Taishi's, reached into her purse, and wrote down a series of numbers on a scrap of paper, a receipt from the Copic outlet store in Shinjuku. "My mobile number," she said shyly, folding the paper up and placing it in Taishi's hand. "This is the first time I've given it out to anyone."

"I won't lose it," Taishi promised as Aya gently pressed the paper into his hand.

"Thank you for tonight, Taishi-kun."

"I should be the one thanking you, Aya-chan."

They both blushed, warming the air around their cheeks slightly. Ever formal, Aya bowed slightly, her hands gently clasped in front of her, and smiled shyly at Taishi. She stepped forward, hugged Taishi again, and smiling at him all the way, she got on the escalator leading down into the JR subway station. In a moment's time, she was out of sight.

_Sunday, December 28th, 200X  
Aoyama Public Baths  
Ichiguro 17-24, Tokyo  
10:15 AM_

Taishi languished for another moment in the memories of last night. The feel of her hands, her embrace... they stirred up feelings of tingles in the small of his back, like a warm electrical shock flowing outwards from his heart. He held up one of those hands, just looking at it, flexing his fingers, forming a fist, and then just holding his hand palm upward above the steaming water of the public bath.

_I should feel worried,_ he thought. _Worried that I feel like this towards someone other than Yuu. Is it right to care about someone else when the person you initially cared about rejects you? Is it right for my feelings to change? Is it fair to either Yuu or Aya?_

Taishi sunk the lower half of his face below the surface of the water, blowing bubbles out of his mouth idly.

_How do I deal with this? Who do I ask? Last night, I didn't know what to do with a girl I liked, and this morning, I'm in the same spot._

Taishi finished his soak, stepped out of the bath, and headed for the locker room. He changed back into his track pants and Asahi Sakurai Fan Club T-shirt, stiff from the sweat of many morning runs, and did a last quick set of stretches before he walked out into the cold winter morning. He was back at his house in a few minutes' of brisk walking, and he changed into his normal white turtleneck and brown suit. Grooming his hunter-green hair into its normal part, he looked at himself in the mirror.

"The choice is the question itself, comrade," Taishi said to his reflection. "Will you give in to the most honest sentiment, to your original choice, and still keep trying to find a way to court Yuu? Or will you give in to feelings that are mutual and start dating Aya? Discard all dating sims, all dojinshi, all anime, and make your own choice. Comrade Taishi!" he exclaimed, pointing at himself, eyes burning like normal. "What will you decide!"

A knock on the door to his room stirred Taishi out of his existentialism. He adjusted his glasses, made sure his lapels were aligned and folded down properly, and adopted his normal imperious voice. "Come in, comrade."

The door opened, revealing the familiar dark hair and eyes of Kazuki Sendo. "Taishi!" Kazuki exclaimed. "Way to disappear on me last night. I thought you wanted to leech off of my copy of .hack volume 1?"

"Ah, comrade Kazuki," Taishi said with a grin, adjusting his glasses and placing a hand on his friend's shoulder. "The pulls of fate are even stronger than those of the pull of gravity; indeed, destiny accelerates at a rate even greater than 9.8 meters a second."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kazuki asked quizzically.

"I am talking about the onward progress of the dojinship!" Taishi exclaimed, planting his sock-clad foot on his desk chair and crossing his arms. "The winter Comic Party is over, and we have precious little time before the blooming cherry blossoms signify the onset of the spring ComiPa!"

"No way, NO WAY." Kazuki waved his arms in front of him. "Before Comic Party, those three days of my life were one giant stretch of storyboards, layouts, scripting, drawing, copying, folding, stapling, boxing, carrying, selling, change-making, autographing, celebrating, drinking, eating, _more_ drinking, and sleeping. Sleeping for fourteen hours straight."

"But comrade, it was but the next step in our glorious world conquest!" Taishi said sinisterly, swooping behind Kazuki and clasping both his shoulders. "Does it not excite you to have moved forward in such a manner?!"

"Forward, schmorward," Kazuki said with a sigh, reaching into the J-bag he wore on his back. "Anyway, I brought my PS2 if you want to bust the game out..."

Taishi had already turned his TV around, unplugged his aging Dreamcast, and pulled out two floor chairs for them. "Bust it out, comrade Kazuki, for co-op mode summons us!"

_Seven dungeon levels later..._

"And that, my brother, is the ways and means that your dojinshi shall move forward in all genres and encompass the market at the next ComiPa."

"Taishi, that's all well and good, but could you please _heal me already!_"

"Oh, my apologies, comrade Kazuki." Taishi picked up his controller and quickly selected a healing spell for their small party.

"You don't ever take a break, do you, Taishi?" Kazuki said, eyes still stuck on the game.

"Life is a 24-7 game with no pause button, my brother," Taishi commented. "The affairs of our lives must be addressed, and sometimes, breaks are never an option."

I definitely needed this.

"Taishi, can I ask you something?"

"But of course, my brother."

"Do you think I should ask Mizuki out?"

"Comrade, I just told you life is a game with no pause button, correct?"

"Yeah..."

"Fortunately, .hack is not life." Taishi paused the game and turned his chair to face his friend. "So, it is comrade Takase that you wish to ask out... our dear sister Mizuki, yes?"

"Well, it's just that after the first Comic Party, the way she really stuck by me, the way she stayed with me through all the phases I went through... it just made me... I dunno..."

"... see her differently?" Taishi finished for his friend.

"Yeah, it's like she's not really Mizuki anymore, but... well... not really Mizuki. You know what I mean?"

_I wonder what Kazuki would do..._

"Let me ask you this, my brother. What do you feel should be done?"

"Well... I don't know..." Kazuki said, turning his chair to face Taishi and propping his chin on his knee. "I mean, it's Mizuki. She knows me even better than you do, same for me with her. We've known each other for so long, we've built a real close bond. I never saw her as more than a friend... but lately, I've thought of having something more, maybe."

Taishi nodded. "Have you ever felt this way towards other girls?"

Kazuki shook his head. "I've had my share of crushes, but I'm no ladies' man. I mean, I don't think I _have_ to be with someone to be happy, but... well... it's never happened for me before. We're going to try to stay in the same college, at least, but... maybe it might _not_ be a good idea, maybe we could mess it all up and never speak to each other again."

Taishi nodded. "It is indeed a matter of choices... to stick with what you know, to be safe, or to chase after a goal... as attainable or unattainable as it may be."

"Unattainable?" Kazuki asked. "You think she might not be interested?"

"I wouldn't know for certain, my brother," Taishi admitted. "But it is worth saying that she _has_ been there for you for many things. It's safe to assume she probably wouldn't cease to speak to you after all that the two of you have gone through together. Especially with dojinshi."

"Yeah, you're right. She made some real leaps for my sake, didn't she?"

"My brother, to put up with you when you are in an emo state is a supreme act of love."

"Shut up," Kazuki exclaimed with a grin, punching Taishi in the arm.

"No need for violence, comrade, I have your best interests and executions in mind," Taishi said, rubbing the point of impact gingerly.

"Did you... did you go through this with Yuu at all?"

"With Yuu?" Taishi asked. "What do you mean?"

"You know, going out with Inagawa-san."

"Going out with her?" Taishi asked, tilting his head. "I didn't know we were going out..."

"Oh, you weren't? Sorry, it's just... well, you two were always conspiring together, always working together to get me around to what I needed to do. I thought you were more than just friends."

"I should be so lucky, my brother," Taishi lamented. "Such is the way that the dojinship shapes all our fates."

"Aw, c'mon, Taishi, I'm sure you and Yuu would make a good couple."

"I'm sure we would indeed, comrade. After all, we have so much in common and get along so well," Taishi said dryly.

"So why not ask her out?"

"I did."

Taishi recounted his story to Kazuki. He talked about pastries and a failed confession with Yuu, about coffee and a realization with Aya, the walk home... everything except for what had gone through his mind, his current raging self-doubt, his guilt for changing his affections...

"She hugged me, and then she left," Taishi finished. "Here I am now."

Kazuki whistled in amazement. "Wow, that's quite the twist ending," he remarked. "Quiet, polite Aya opening up like that... I guess there's more to her than meets the eye."

"There really is, isn't there?" Taishi asked rhetorically, sighing deeply. "Here I am, feeling one way towards one girl and almost, but not quite, the same towards the other. Is it really right for me to even feel that way? Is it fair to Yuu? Is it fair to Aya?"

"I wish I could tell you, Taishi," Kazuki said sadly. "I really don't know much, but is it really possible for people to control the way they feel?"

"A good point."

"Do you still feel the same way for Yuu?"

"I think that part of me always will," Taishi responded, reaching into his suit coat pocket. It still contained Aya's folded-up phone number, and he unfolded it gently. "But... more and more, I think about what it would be like with Aya. Going on dates with her. Holding hands with her. Just _being_ with her... I have no idea what to envision, no idea how to think about it... but I thought the same things about Yuu. I had the same confusion about Yuu."

"But Yuu is clearly not interested, right?"

"Clearly."

"Then what's the issue?" Kazuki asked with a shrug.

"The issue is I'm shifting so quickly from one woman to another!" Taishi exclaimed, banging his forehead into his hands. "I don't want to be like that. I don't want to jump from human being to human being until I find the right one... I may be idealistic, Kazuki, but I don't want to be a player!"

"But Aya did just that, though, didn't she?" Kazuki asked quietly. "She moved on..."

Taishi froze. "She did..." he said in a low voice. "With Takashi..."

"Look at her now, Taishi. I mean, I'm sure it's nice if you find the person you want to be with and stay with them for as long as you live, but you can either keep waiting for that to happen and it may or may not happen, or you can enjoy what you can and learn more about someone. That way, you end up learning more about yourself."

_"Taishi-kun, one of these days, enjoy something because you want it. Don't do it for any reason, to advance any goal, don't do it because you have to. Do it because you want to, because you like to. Besides the whole pursuit of dojinshi, what makes you tick? What makes Taishi-kun Taishi-kun?"_

Kazuki slowly looked up at his old friend. Slowly, a smile spread across his face, and he nodded once. "So I should... I should enjoy what I can because I want to enjoy it, is that it?" he asked brightly, the connection starting to crystallize in his mind.

_If I like someone... I should be with them. If I can't... why languish?_

"'Be happy while you're living, for you're dead a long time,'" Kazuki observed philosophically. "I saw that in a Love Hina manga once."

Taishi looked down at Aya's phone number in his hand. "So... when should I call her?" he asked.

"Making her wait?" Kazuki teased. "You just said you didn't want to be a player."

"Of course I don't want to be a player, my brother!" Taishi exclaimed, back to normal, picking up his controller and unpausing the game. "I just want to be a gentleman."

"Yeah, right, Taishi," Kazuki teased, picking up his controller. "You're just nervous."

"And you're just going to have to face that Red Dragon without your party healer," Taishi teased back. "I do have comrade Mizuki's number already if you want to call her for some reason..."

"All right, all right, I get the picture!" Kazuki exclaimed. "Now get in here and heal me already!"

_To be concluded...****_


	4. A Mind at Peace with All Below

A/N: Before I begin, I want to give some very big shout-outs. 

First and foremost, as always, to Marivel for her commentary, proofreading, and blunt honesty. I couldn't have a better editor or a better girlfriend.

Second, mad shout outs to Cendrillo. Someone found my fanfic and liked it. This is good. All I was hoping for was the "finding" part. The fact that he actually read it is big for me. Mad love to my newest homeslice, as they say.

This was supposed to be a three-parter, but it's going to be four parts plus an epilogue now. The epilogue is going to be up sooner than I thought, so just bear with me as it comes around.

No, this chapter is NOT the end. As much as I want to keep this dramatic (and even angsty where necessary) I would still like to see a concrete resolution.

Keep your eyes peeled for my next project... I'm torn between branching out into mecha anime ("Zone of the Blenders") or ripping off on other cultural trends ("Comic & Party: Special Dojinshi Unit")... but time will tell... (Also, how busy we are at work will also tell... :-P)

**Part 4: A Mind at Peace with All Below**

_January 1st, 200X 1  
Meiji Jingu Shrine  
Harajuku, Tokyo  
9:48 AM_

The snows of the past week eventually stopped in time for New Year's Eve and the following day. Even the clouds parted for the occasion, granting a bright, cold, clear day for the millions of Japanese who flocked to Shinto shrines all across the country. Even at the Meiji Jingu Shrine, dedicated to one of the great emperors of modern Japan, people flocked out in the cold by the thousands.

Taishi and Kazuki, the former wearing a formal black kimono, the latter in his normal street clothes, waited by the entrance to the shrine, a few steps aside from the thick throng of people filing in with quiet respect.

"They're almost a half-hour late," Kazuki grumbled. "I told them to leave early for a reason, and it's only going to get worse for the rest of the day."

"That it may, my brother," Taishi remarked, "but although we may be dutiful Japanese to be paying our respects and offerings for a good new year, we are still subject to the whims of Japan Rail in getting to those points of respect in the first place."

Kazuki sighed and checked his watch. "Did you ever end up calling Aya?"

"Actually, we spoke the other night. I was out in Shinjuku looking for the .hack OVAs, and while I was taking a break in a café, I called her..."

"Yeah? How'd it go?" Kazuki asked, turning to his friend and leaning up against the low wooden fence surrounding the shrine grounds.

"I think it went well enough... we talked for about a half-hour, nothing too outstanding... she really opens up once you get her started on something, especially over the phone. She sounds a little more casual, less intimidated."

"I guess once you stopped trying to spout propaganda at her, you two hit it off."

"I will ignore that remark for now, my brother."

"So?"

"'So' what?"

"Are you going to ask her out?"

"It's been less than a week, comrade."

"But you've known her since the spring ComiPa, haven't you? She seems as interested as it gets."

Taishi sighed and adjusted the lapels of his kimono. "My brother, I know you mean well, but I still have no intention of entering into a relationship with Hasebe-san," he said, suddenly reverting to a more formal form of address. "For one thing, I don't like the idea of having to jump from woman to woman in order to feel like a man. For another thing, I still feel the same way for both of them, but the feelings I have for Hasebe-san are the same that I felt for Inagawa-san."

"What's with the sudden detachment?" Kazuki asked. "Taishi, you were calling them by their given names the other day."

"It just feels like it's not right..." Taishi said, turning to Kazuki and hopping up onto the fence, sitting on the top rung. "To be so familiar with both of them kind of makes me feel like I'm using them. This isn't a dating sim; I can't just pick and choose and then make a decision and expect everything to end happily. There are real emotions at work here—mine, Hasebe-san's, and Inagawa-san's—and people will get hurt if I mess it up."

Kazuki nodded sympathetically. "I wish there was something I could do to help, Taishi. I've never seen you so torn up before."

"Well, perhaps the spirit of the Emperor Meiji will honor a selfish request in that sense, my brother," Taishi said with a grin as he propped his glasses up on his nose.

"Oh, what are you going on about now?!" a high-pitched voice exclaimed from within the line.

"Can it," a brusquer voice flatly said, followed by a familiar whapping sound.

Eimi Oba emerged from the edge of the crowd, covering her head with her handbag and the puffy white sleeves of her jacket as if she was in a bombing raid, followed by Yuu, who was wielding her harisen in one of her crossed arms.

"You stupid panda, that's super-disrespectful to engage in violence on shrine grounds!" Eimi exclaimed, standing on the toes of her shoes to stare Yuu down.

"If you can't see past your ego, which could use a little bruising, you'd see that we're not _at_ the shrine yet, and that you usually make bad situations worse and it'd be best to not butt in," Yuu said, counting off the offenses on her fingers. "Sorry we're late, guys."

"It is not a problem, my sister," Taishi said, struggling to keep up normality. "Did you perchance run into anyone else on your way in?"

"Yeah, we found Mizuki, Reiko, and Chisa-chan at the station," Eimi piped up, straightening up again. "But some super-lame jerk spilled coffee all over their kimonos. It might not come out! That's gotta be super-bad luck for the new year. Anyway, they're going back home to change and they won't be coming. Super-sigh."

"That's awful!" Kazuki exclaimed.

"Indeed it is," Taishi said solemnly and dramatically. "The very nature of the winter kimono, while warmer and more comfortable for cold weather than silk, reflects the character of the fabric and the fragility of the season itself. I should only hope that their local dry cleaners are experienced in these matters."

"Yeah, makes me glad I came in my civvies," Yuu said, tucking away her harisen into the pouch-like pocket of her trademark red sweatshirt. "I'll hang on to the kimono for when there's no risk of stuff getting on it."

"Awww, is the stupid panda afraid her black and white coat will fall out from getting coffee all over it?"

Eimi and Yuu went back and forth before Kazuki and Taishi pulled them apart.

"No violence!" Kazuki exclaimed. "It's already crowded enough here; we don't need street fights near a shrine!"

"Indeed," Taishi said calmly, holding back Eimi's arms in a firm lock. "Besides, Hasebe-san should be here soon. If we have to bail you two out of a police station, or worse, a hospital, she'll be wondering what happened."

"Um... you don't need to worry about me," a quiet, low voice said from a few feet away.

"Oh, hey, Aya-san!" Kazuki said by means of greeting, releasing Yuu from a half Nelson.

Kazuki turned around, trying to restrain himself upon seeing her. Aya wore a dark blue kimono patterned with a motif of white chrysanthemums over a lotus pond, accented with an ornate red and black obi. Her hair, normally worn in a loosely-kept ponytail, was done up in a braided bun and held up by red ribbons, with just a few locks blowing loose in the soft, cold morning breeze.

"Hey, what's the big idea bein' all fancy?" Yuu exclaimed, her Kansai accent strengthening by means of a joke. She stepped to Aya's side and looked her up and down. "Now _that_ is one pretty kimono."

"Yeah!" Eimi chimed in, rubbing her chin thoughtfully. Aya had begun to blush under all the attention. "It must have been super-expensive."

As the girls pressed Aya for information on the kimono, throwing complements and the like at her, Taishi looked over at Kazuki, an uneasy look about his face. Kazuki shrugged by means of reply.

_She's so beautiful... it's no less than the normally conservative way she dresses... but just that hint of flesh at the nape of her neck is just so... it seems so **sexy...**_

"But... well, it's an heirloom," Aya tried to explain as Yuu and Eimi began arguing over good places to buy kimonos. "It's from the late 1800s..."

"Awww, did the stupid panda get tired of black and white? Too bad that gigantic bears can't wear traditional clothing! Panda panda panda, can't wear a kimono..."

"Hey, at least I look like a woman when I wear one. You look like someone's little brother trying to wear Mama's clothes!"

Aya quietly sidestepped the continuing argument. "A very happy and healthy new year to you both," she said, bowing her hands gently clasped in front of her in a rather formal greeting.

"A very happy and healthy new year to you as well," Taishi and Kazuki replied in unison, bowing as well as another **WHAP!** echoed from Yuu's harisen.

"Can the crap and let's go!" Yuu said excitedly, energized as always after smacking Eimi, or anyone else for that matter, down. "We've gotta start fighting our way through these crowds!"

_She's acting as if things are normal... just business as usual. As if I'd never said anything... I guess that's how it is for her, isn't it?_

"Yes, we must indeed, my brother, and my sisters. A blessing from the spirit of Father of Modern Japan should not be taken lightly and must be approached with dignity and celerity, for many people will be seeking the same thing today." Taishi propped up his glasses and nodded affirmatively, hands folded inside the wide sleeves of his kimono.

"Yeah, yeah," Eimi said with a sigh. "Can the super-melodrama, we're going, we're going."

The five students insinuated themselves into the crowd of people, which was moving quickly into the large shrine grounds. Several wells with long, thin dipping spoons dotted the grounds before a large cedar tori gate, and people stopped to splash water over their hands and into their mouths as part of cleansing themselves.

Taishi splashed the water over his hands and drank a small stream of it, trying to keep himself running through the motions of visiting a fairly important and very sacred Shinto shrine. _If I fail to approach such a simple task with honesty, purity, politeness, and virtue, I couldn't approach any other tasks with the same importance,_ he thought, as if purifying his mind as best he could.

"Hey, Taishi, hand me the dipper, will ya?" he heard Yuu ask from behind him.

_Be cool. Be cool. Be cool. Be cool._

Taishi handed off the wooden dipper to Yuu. "Did you have a good New Year's Eve?" he asked.

"Oh, it was good," Yuu said as she splashed each of her hands with water. "Since I live here with my cousin and his brother in Tokyo, our entire family came out and we went for soba at midnight. It was really great having everyone together like that; even our old grandparents came up from Osaka to join us."

"Osaka? I thought you were from Kobe."

"Hey, this one knows his Karamitei trivia!" Yuu exclaimed after streaming some water into her mouth from the dipper. "Yeah, my father's side is from Kobe, but my mother's side is from Osaka. Both of 'em run hot springs, too; kinda weird, isn't it?"

"Now I know why you're so hot-blooded all the time, comrade Yuu," Taishi joked. "Your blood is boiling by virtue of your genes being soaked in hot springs!"

"I'll give you that one," Yuu said with a laugh, poking Taishi with her harisen. "But make any more corny jokes like that again, Mr. Squid Gold Standard, and you're gonna get it."

"Squid Gold Standard? Moi?" Taishi asked with mock incredulity. "But am I not entitled to learn more about you, as I've so desired in the past?"

Yuu didn't respond immediately. "Yeah, well, now you get to!" she said with a nervous laugh. She moved a little closer to him. "Taishi..." she started. "I don't know what your intentions are, but I..."

Taishi held up his hands, but before he could explain himself, Yuu's harisen came down and impacted on his head once again.

"I don't do well with the whole surrepetitious-swiping-of-personal-information bit," she said quietly, weilding the paper fan like a fencing foil, a grin on her face. "Let's not cause too much drama or violence today, okay?"

_She's trying to dodge the issue... she just doesn't want to bring it up, I guess._

_Do I really blame her? **Can** I really blame her?_

Kazuki had finished at the well across the dirt path into the shrine as Eimi and Aya were cleansing themselves. "It's so strange to see him like that..." Kazuki said under his breath.

"So strange to see Che Guevara over there with the panda, riiight?" Eimi exclaimed, slinking up to Kazuki. "I swear, whenever they get together, it's like the earth is going to explode. He'd give the Japanese Communist Party an inferiority complex and she looks like she's Hsing-Hsing! Gah, what a weird couple they are..."

"They'd be a weird couple if they were one, though," Kazuki replied, not wanting to talk about his friend behind his back. "As far as you or I know, aren't they just friends?"

"Yeah, that's true," Eimi replied, stretching her arms behind her neck. Out of the corner of his eye, Kazuki saw Aya look up from dipping the long dipper spoon back into the well. "But they seem totally perfect for each other, don't they?"

"Eimi-chan, I thought you'd rather see Yuu suffer for all the disagreements and fights you two have," Kazuki said, trying to change the subject for Aya's sake.

"Aww, just because she and I don't get along doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice," Eimi said, suddenly perking up. "Besides, I think that the stupid panda would do the same for me. We don't get along, but I don't think we _hate_ each other. She and Taishi might as well end up together, because you'd better not be trying to convince me that Tashi likes me, Ka-zu-kiiii." She finished with a growl.

Taishi and Yuu headed back to the three others, joking and laughing. "Okay, we should be serious now, you guys," Yuu said. "We're in a shrine."

They set off under the cedar tori, amongst the thinning crowd of people as paths diverged onto the shrine grounds. The five students took the path to the main shrine, where the earlier crowds had thinned out to only several thousand. Quietly and as one, they bowed twice, clapped their hands twice each, and held them together, lowering their heads silently in prayer.

_Clarity. Please, I need clarity this year and always. Give me the ability to recognize my faults and learn from them, to constantly hone and improve my strengths, and to achieve what my desires may be on the best path that I choose as my own._

_Please allow me this... allow me happiness in this new year. _

Taishi bowed, having finished, and looked to his side. Aya had a dark ebony set of Buddhist prayer beads between her two praying hands, her head solemnly lowered. Taishi felt his heart skip a beat by seeing her in such a relaxed, content state.

_She looks serene... so very Japanese._

Aya looked up, finished with her prayers, and bowed again. Her eyes met Taishi's, and it took a moment for him to wonder if he should avert his eyes and not cause people to wonder why he was looking at Aya in such an enamored manner. Before he could decide, though, she tilted her head to her left and smiled gently at him, blushing slightly.

The softness of her sudden smile caught Taishi like the proverbial ton of bricks, and he felt a lightness suddenly run through his torso. He smiled at her by virtue of reflex, a smile that did not befit his grin of calculation and inspiration. Rather, just a smile that spread across his face.

"Hey," Kazuki whispered gently to Taishi, laying a hand on his shoulder. "Weren't you saying earlier..."

"That was earlier, comrade," Taishi said over his shoulder quietly. "I believe that the spirit of the Meiji Emperor has begun to look favorably upon my humble requests."

"I hope you're right," Kazuki whispered back, tossing his head a few times gently in Yuu's direction. She, too, had finished praying and was straightening up.

_Okay, keep it cool, keep it cool._

"Man, the first shrine visit of the year is always the best one," Yuu exclaimed, stepping away from the main shrine so other worshippers could make their devotions. "What did you guys wish for?"

"Oh, just to outsell you, stupid panda," Eimi said cheerfully, followed by a glare from Yuu. "Eep!"

"I just want to get better as a dojin artist," Kazuki said.

"World peace..." Aya said quietly.

"Clarity!" Taishi exclaimed, thrusting his fist into the air. "Clarity in the path of righteous world conquest by dojinshi!"

"Hopeless," Kazuki and Yuu said in a unison half-sigh.

"You guys want to look around a little?" Kazuki asked. "The Meiji Treasure House will be opening soon.

"Actually, I was going to go around that way too," Yuu piped up. "I've always wanted to see the poetry that the Emperor and Empress wrote. Just to see what the Imperial Family wrote way back then, when Japan was different."

"Yeah, I wanna go see the old imperial costumes," Eimi chimed in. "I'm doing research. I'll leave the super-lame poetry to the panda."

"So it's decided. C'mon, Kazuki!" Yuu shouted, grabbing Kazuki's forearm and pulling him towards the Treasure House museum.

"Hey! I wanted to go see the winter irises!" Kazuki rebutted just before his other forearm was put into a lock by Eimi.

"C'mon, pochi, let's go check out all the cool armor!"

"Taishi!" Kazuki cried out. "Help!"

"Um... maybe we ought to get him out of there," Aya said quietly.

"He is, unfortunately, lost to the ages," Taishi replied, clapping his hands together twice and bowing in prayer again. "Our comrade fought valiantly, but there is no dishonor in falling before a superior enemy."

Aya giggled gently. "He isn't dead yet, Taishi-kun."

"Kazuki mentioned winter irises..." Taishi said awkwardly. "Do you want to go see them?"

"I... yes, I'd like to..." Aya said, looking down shyly, smiling with another soft blush about her cheeks.

"I mean, y'know... you and... me..."

"There's nobody else here that we know, Taishi-kun."

"Oh, yes! Of course. You're right. Ha ha ha!" Taishi said, recovering from his suddenly awkward moment with his normal grandstanding. "Of course not. I would not entrust the safety of a comrade to the fate of strangers!"

"We should go before it gets too crowded..."

"Oh, yes, of course! We go forth!" Taishi exclaimed, pointing back towards the path leading to the entrance. "What?" he asked, when Aya turned into the other direction.

"The iris gardens are on that path, Taishi-kun," Aya said quietly, pointing at a sign that said "Iris Gardens: Northern Path."

"Oh. Yes. Of course."

Taishi and Aya dropped some coins into an offering box and received two steaming cups of green tea from an attending shrine maiden. The path to the iris gardens was mercifully sparse with people; many shrine visitors were simply avoiding the open evergreen-lined wooden path simply because of the cold morning. Other shrine visitors passed them from the opposite direction from time to time; some in groups, others alone. The two students stood out, though; they drew numerous glances and several whispers from passing people.

"We must look like something interesting..." Taishi mused as two younger girls giggled lightly as they passed. "A guy and a girl dressed in traditional clothing, even on New Year's Day, at a shrine..."

_We must look like we're dating..._

"Yes..." Aya said quietly, trailing off.

The trail widened and the trees began to thin out. The fields up ahead still had snow on them from the past few days; it was slowly freezing in the low temperatures. The people that were trickling back from the path no longer came, and the chirp of birds became the only sound around Taishi and Aya, save for the sound of their sandals flapping against their feet.

_We're alone. Alone in a sacred space in the heart of Tokyo. I know... I know that nothing will change between Yuu and I. I know that I'm fortunate to still be talking to her, and that she's still treating me as a friend. If she was really not willing to treat me as a friend, would she be so casual as to hit me? _

_But she tried to dodge the subject... she doesn't want to talk about it... she really must want to put that behind her. What if the same thing happens with me and Aya?_

"You're quieter than normal, Taishi-kun..."

"Eh?" Taishi almost yelped, brought out of his silence by Aya's sudden remark. "Oh, I was just taking in the scenery and looking around for the flowers. Nothing too big."

"But we're at the flowers."

"Oh!" Taishi looked around, and they had indeed come to the iris gardens.

Aya crouched down by the small white wire boundary between the snowed-in grass and the packed dirt path by a neatly arranged patch of irises. She reached out with her right hand, gently cradling one of the bell-shaped white flowers and feeling the texture of the petals gently.

"I've never seen these before..." Aya said, gazing at the flower.

_I can't jump around like this. I don't **want** to jump around like this. I can't bear to look at her like that, envying the beauty of a flower. I don't want to mess things up!_

"Aya-chan... I'm sorry about everything..."

Aya looked up from the flower, stunned by the sudden pain in Taishi's voice. He was looking down at the flowers, as if he was trying to stare down an iris.

"It's... I don't want to hurt you, I don't want to make things bad for you... but I can't be here with you like this, seeing you like that..."

"Like what?" she asked, standing up. "Taishi-kun, what's wrong?"

"Saturday night..." Taishi started, his voice breaking slightly. "Saturday night, you helped me through a really bad time. You helped me out fully knowing that I really, really liked Yuu, and was getting over being shot down. You helped me deal with it... you opened up to me as I had to you... but you were over Takashi, weren't you? I wasn't over Yuu..."

"Taishi, I don't understand what's going on..." Aya said quietly, biting her lip gently with nervousness.

"You've had time to get over Takashi... but I haven't yet had time to get over Yuu... and then I just started to feel that same way towards you, Aya-chan."

"The same way..."

Taishi turned to look directly at Aya. It was obvious that he was holding back countless tears as he spoke.

"The difference was... the difference was that I could feel it with you, that you were there... I got to learn things about you, I got to help you, I got to be the man you deserved. I got the chance to make you happy... and you treated me the same way. So unselfishly, with dignity, with beauty... it was such a nameless grace that kept me falling for you. Such a nameless grace that allowed me to even have such a chance, to have such a night..."

Taishi closed his eyes. "But... but if Yuu could just disregard me so easily, and then I suddenly feel the same for you... what if my feelings changed? What if it didn't work out? I always thought it was all sunshine and roses once you started dating someone, once you had a girlfriend... but only when I started realizing how I feel for you, and how fragile you were... how fragile that attraction is..."

Taishi blinked away his tears, but to no avail, as one single teardrop rolled down his cheek, the culmination of all the tears he couldn't cry on Saturday night and today.

"I don't want to mess things up, Aya-chan... it's too soon... and I'm afraid that I don't know how I feel, despite how my heart pounds when I look at you. I don't want to jump into your arms just because I've been rejected... I want to be able to be everything for you, to give all I can... I will not be someone who hurts you for being in love. If that means I can't be with you..."

"Taishi-kun, please... please don't say any more..." Aya said, grasping her hands over her heart. She was blinking away tears with abandon. "I... I don't want you to be like this for my sake."

"It pains me to do this, Aya..." Taishi said, taking off his glasses to rub the tears from his eyes. "I wish that we had come together under better circumstances... I wish that I could have fallen in love with you under the purest of circumstances, that we could have a romance that made the world jealous. I wish I could have felt this way for you before anyone else. But... but there's just no changing how this happened..."

Aya sniffled gently, blinked twice, and walked towards Taishi. In a swift moment, she had buried her head in his kimono-clad shoulder, sniffling softly. "I'm sorry, Taishi-kun..." she said between soft sobs. "I promise... I promise I won't be like this for long... just let me cry, just for a little while..."

Taishi nodded silently, his own chest moving with the quick, diffused motions of his own quiet crying. He wrapped his arms around Aya, the contours of her smooth body easily felt through the thin, silky layers of her kimono.

_If it could have been different... if it could have been something more, something sooner... I could be holding her like this and we wouldn't be crying..._

Aya looked up, her eyes clear of tears but reddened from crying. "I'm sorry..." she said quietly. "I-"

"No, I should apologize," Taishi said, shaking his head. "I was the one who brought it up... I was the one who made you cry..."

"But... but if you worry about how I feel, you shouldn't, Taishi-kun..." Aya said, breathing in deeply. "I'm strong enough to feel the same way, I think... and I do."

"Aya..."

"I won't let you go so easily," she said, a more confident tone taking over her voice, albeit a quiet confidence. "I'll still feel this way towards you, and... and when you're ready, I think I'll still be here..."

"You... you really mean that?"

Aya crouched down to look at the white iris again. "Different irises bloom in every season," she said rhetorically. "They've evolved that way... the white and purple irises are resilient enough to take the cold and still be beautiful. Then, when that specific breed withers in the spring, a new one comes back... and as the seasons change, the flowers are still beautiful, still blooming despite the snow, the leaves, the rain, and the heat."

_She... she really does like me... she feels the same way, even with all this..._

Taishi nodded and smiled, breathing a deep breath and exhaling with relief. "That's very true..." he remarked.

_You will always be my iris, Aya Hasebe. It will take time, but I know that at the height of the season, you will be in blossom... when the change in seasons is through, the winter will be something more beautiful._

Aya stood and looked up at the coldly clear blue sky. "I will wait," she said. "Maybe not forever... but as long as you'll still be Taishi-kun, then... someday, I want you to be my Taishi-kun."

Taishi smiled at Aya. "We should go back before they start worrying about us..."

"Yes, let's go back."

**To be concluded...**


	5. Epilogue

**A/N:** Umidori is the greatest! She made fanart based on this story! Love and cherish it, everyone!

I had to tweak the address because FF dot net doesn't like weblinks, but the more intrepid fans can go to pictures dot greatestjournal dot com slash userimg slash 2068089 slash 479211.

And now, on with the show!

**Epilogue **

_Wednesday, March 24th, 200X plus 1  
__Ichidai Private High School  
__Ichiguro-shi, Tokyo  
__2:45 PM_

"Hey, did you hear about Student Activities Council President Kuhonbutsu-san?"

"No, what?"

"I heard he's got a girlfriend!"

"A girlfriend? I thought he was going out with Inagawa-san! You know, the transfer student in class five?"

"No, no! They just hang out a lot together. Them and Sendo-san, the one who sneaks writing dojinshi during lunch. Kuhonbutsu-san's totally seeing this girl from another school!"

"Another school?"

"Hey, you two, cut the chatter and get back to cleaning! The sooner you get this done, the sooner you can go home for spring vacation!"

Ichidai High had just finished their lessons for the winter term, and the classes were performing their daily cleaning chores before the school closed up.

The months had passed like many other months would, with the change in seasons still not yet visible in the air.

_When all else fails, time does heal all wounds..._ Taishi Kuhonbutsu thought, walking swiftly down a hall on the second floor of the school, flocked by members of Student Activities Council committees. He answered their questions swiftly and precisely as he composed a text message on his cell phone.

"But the field requests have already been put in, Kuhonbutsu-san!"

"The event advisory board has already ruled that any cherry blossom viewings are to be held on the soccer field as not to damage the grass growing on the baseball fields and to allow the repainting of lines on the rugby field. I'm sorry, Tensei-san, but the Flower Arrangement Club will have to have their viewing on the soccer field or elsewhere. At another school or park."

"Kuhonbutsu-san, we need your approval on this flyer for the Student Activities Council's picnic."

"Approved." Taishi tapped away and pressed the Send button to fire off his text, switching hands to stamp an approval seal on the document.

**MY BROTHER—**  
**I CAN'T MAKE IT TO OUR PREP FOR COMIPA TONIGHT.  
****FAMILY ISSUES.**

"Kuhonbutsu-san! Are you listening?"

"Yes, I _am_ listening! The kendo club will have to share with the judo club. I know they need to practice, but after Itonami-san rampaged and smashed the windows in the kendo practice room, we only have one indoor dojo. They're welcome to use any other sanctioned practice areas outside, so long as they don't interfere!"

The throng moved down the halls quickly, with individual Council members branching off from time to time. They quickly walked past the classroom for year three, class five, where the students were dutifully cleaning. Kazuki and Yuu had drawn the task of washing the windows.

"That lucky jerk," Yuu grumbled. "How come Lord Ilpalazzo over there gets out of cleaning to run around and shout at his subordinates?"

"It seems like he does even less with the Student Activities Council than anything, while making it appear like he's doing everything," Kazuki remarked sardonically, exhaling heavily onto a window to steam it up. "He's born to delegate authority, so long as he never has to do anything himself."

"Ouch!" Yuu said, smiling as she cleaned the window. "I should say to go easy on him, but you've felt the crunch more than enough from being his friend for so long."

"He does what he can," Kazuki grudgingly admitted. "I don't know if he'd make a good manager one day, but part of me doesn't want to see him unleashed on the outside world. Mostly for the world's sake!"

Yuu and Kazuki laughed at that one.

"So what're you doing for the break?" Kazuki asked.

"I still have to put the finishing touches on my latest issue. The spring ComiPa is still a few weeks away, but I want to be able to relax and see the cherry blossoms. This school has a really long break compared to back in Kobe, so I'm gonna spend it relaxing or die trying!"

"A week and a half is really long?"

"Hey, twelve school days off is a pretty big deal when we only got an extended weekend. We didn't have Saturdays off, either!"

Kazuki let out a low whistle of surprise. "Dang. You went to a public high school, right? I thought that public schools were supposed to have Saturdays off."

Kazuki's cell phone let out a series of chimes. "Got a message?" Yuu asked.

He reached into his pocket and thumbed a few buttons. "He's leaving me to my own deeds again," Kazuki said with a groan. "We were supposed to put together a long-term plan for my next dojinshi and to try the new Tokyo Extreme Racer game I just got, but he says he's got family issues. Whatever that means."

"Family issues?" Yuu asked, moving on to her next window. "Good to know he's at least got a life outside of dojinshi."

"Yeah, it's been a while since the last Comic Party. With everything that happened around then, I kept thinking he'd burn out."

Yuu froze for a moment, sighed, and continued scrubbing her window. "I never thought he'd tell anyone about all that stuff," Yuu said flatly.

"Sorry..." Kazuki said, turning to Yuu. "I didn't know if I'd hit a nerve..."

"Well, I just didn't want to go waving around the 'I shot down Taishi' flag, y'know?" Yuu said, stepping away from a window and closer to Kazuki, lowering her voice. "I didn't want him to feel worse, or make things any more awkward..."

"Sorry, sorry," Kazuki said, holding his hands up in supplication. "You don't have to say anything about it that you don't want to."

"Well... it's in the past," Yuu said, less covertly. She shrugged. "He seems to be doing okay... he's his normal self, he hasn't acted weird—I mean, any weirder—and you'd know if something was up, wouldn't you?"

_I don't want to be the one who causes you worry because I couldn't go out with your friend, Kazuki... especially if it was in hopes of you..._

"As far as I can tell, he's been just fine. Taishi's not one to dwell on things and be all angsty and emo. At least, not to me."

"Good to know. I never sat well with the idea of being in the middle of some shojo story."

_Yet I never did anything, anyway..._

"Yeah, I always pictured you as sentai-team material."

"I'll sentai-team you!"

**WHAP!**

Taishi's laps around the school with the Student Council committees came to a quick end just as the students' chores were finishing up. Kazuki and Yuu, having already made plans to meet up and combine their last-minute dojinshi efforts, parted ways at the school gate. Kazuki decided to wait for his friend, and sure enough, Taishi was there, and they started walking home.

"So, 'family issues?'" Kazuki asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Had I known I would run into you alone, my brother, I would have been able to speak the truth," Taishi lamented. "But alas, I could not risk comrade Yuu catching wind too quickly. Despite this, I will still be unable to make it tonight."

"Taishi, you surprise me too much these days," Kazuki said, laughing at his friend. "Honestly, do you really think Yuu would be offended if you told her the truth?"

"But there is no truth yet to tell, my brother. After all, we've only been seeing each other at conventions, or with everyone else. That and talking on the phone quite frequently."

"You're telling me! I tried calling you three times last night, and it went to your voice mail every single time!"

"Comrade, if you call someone once a minute for three minutes, that's what tends to happen."

"That was over a course of three _hours,_ Taishi," Kazuki said, grinning and mock-elbowing his friend.

"Touché, my brother, touché."

"It's pretty obvious. You got a bunch of little chocolates from friends and classmates on Valentine's Day and one really delicious-looking handmade chocolate. I wonder who that one was from..."

"Comrade, some people give chocolates out of obligation! Perhaps that was just a repayment of an outstanding obligation debt."

"Then tell me, who was that antique German brooch for? The one Reiko saw you buy in Shibuya, just before White Day?"

"Ixnay on the rooch-bay, y-may rother-bay..."

"Taishi, it's obvious enough if you're looking. Don't worry, I'm your friend. I told Reiko-chan that you were buying a gift for your grandmother's birthday. Everyone still thinks that you're secretly going out with Yuu."

"Hah... if only this was a few months ago, my brother. If only."

"Are you doing okay with all that? Yuu was concerned about you earlier."

Taishi sighed.

_I am okay... it has been time, but she's still my friend... and when I daydream, I don't see Yuu's face anymore._

"My brother... when you and Mizuki started going out, you had such a clarity of vision. And you both followed through, did you not?"

"Well, of course," Kazuki said. "We wanted to be more than friends, and long story short, we've been dating each other since late January."

"When you first asked what I should do, I envied your clarity and your willingness to have those feelings. Now, to answer your question, I have the same clarity in my own life. For that, and for your help—and everyone's help—I feel as clear as clear can be."

"I'm glad. I could tell you were pretty torn up for a while back then... and now, look at you."

Taishi looked at a cherry blossom tree, buds barely starting to sprout from its thin, dark branches.

_I have done this because I wanted to. I feel this way because I want to. I know that she's feeling the same thing... she has been..._

"... Tonight, hopefully, it all comes to an end."

"Huh?" Kazuki asked quizzically, checking for any other messages on his cell phone. "What happens tonight?"

_Mitaka Public High School_  
_Mitaka-cho, Tokyo  
__3:35 PM_

Aya Hasebe didn't always pick to sweep out the walkway leading up to the school, but it was something she valued nonetheless. The work was on the longer side of the school chores, but it was far from labor-intensive.

As other students left from their chores, Aya bowed politely at them. She finished on the later end of things, as usual, and headed back inside.

"Oh, Hasebe-san!" another girl from Aya's class said as she came into the shoe locker room. "There was a boy here asking around for you earlier!"

"A boy?"

"Yeah, someone from another school. I didn't recognize his uniform. He didn't say why he was looking for you, so he left kinda quickly."

"Um... did he have green hair and yellow-tinted glasses?"

"Yeah, and a crazy look in his eyes," the other girl said as she changed into her street shoes. "He looked like an otaku to me."

Aya's heart fluttered. "Thank you," she said, politely bowing to her classmate.

"Oh, er, yeah, it's nothing," she said, slightly flustered by Aya's formality, bowing back. "See you after the break!"

As the other girl headed out, Aya went to her own shoe locker. As she opened it, though, a piece of paper fluttered out; it had fallen through the vents of her locker onto the antique brooch that Taishi had given her. School rules prohibited modifying uniforms during the school day, but she wore it on her way to and from school anyway.

_Aya-chan, _

_If you aren't doing anything tonight, I was hoping you and I could maybe go see the new Miyazaki film in Akihabara. _

_I'll be outside the Isanko Line entrance at 7 PM. _

_Taishi._

Aya felt a smile creep onto her face and her cheeks turn slightly warmer. "'I'll be outside...' He said 'I'll be outside...' Not 'we,' 'us,' anything like that..."

She folded the note up, pocketed it, pinned the small old brooch on the lapel of her uniform blazer, and put on her street shoes. Unlike the cherry blossoms by Ichidai High, some of the trees by Mitaka High were already fully budded. Aya stopped under one for a moment, watching the soft pink petals in the calm air.

The last time we were alone together... we made a promise to each other, we said how we felt. Finally, we have a chance to make good on that promise.

Aya pulled a small branch of cherry blossoms off of the tree and tucked it into her hair. She giggled gently, belying her mellow voice and mature demeanor, and walked home.

_Wednesday, March 24th, 200X plus 1  
__Akihabara Station, Isanko Line entrance  
__7:00 PM_

The flower in his hands was white fading into pale purple, a carefully cultivated winter iris. They were fairly common in northern Japan, where a colder temperature at higher altitudes permitted year-round growing and shipping to flower shops. He held it by his side as he sat on the concrete pedastal of a fountain, just outside of the JR subway station.

As a small crowd of people came up the stairs and escalators from the station, indicating a new train arriving, he stood up, holding the flower behind his back. Intending to be a gentleman, he didn't want to appear slouched, lazy, or impatient, and it was all he could do in his familiar brown suit and white T-shirt to appear relaxed.

Despite the nervous beat of his heart, the tense, gripping feeling in the pit of his stomach, and the thin band of sweat beneath the collar of his shirt, he couldn't contain the smile that genuinely spread across his face as he saw her familiar raven-colored hair slowly rise up the escalator. Accented by the pale pink of cherry blossom flowers tucked into a lock of her hair above her right ear, he swallowed away his tensions as their eyes met.

Her smile met his, and he brought the winter iris around from behind his back.

"Shall we?" Taishi asked, holding the flower out to her.

"Yes, let's," Aya replied, taking the flower and cradling the petals gently.

**The End **

**A/N:**

Thanks for reading The Nameless Grace!

I'd wanted to see some Comic Party fanfic for quite a while now, and after countless Googlings and posts on message boards, I decided I'd just up and write some myself.

If you've made it this far, you're probably like me: you've seen the anime and are desperate for some romantic resolution of the series.

I thought about a Kazuki x Mizuki fic for a while, but I couldn't get Yuu out of my mind. Then I thought to myself, "What about Taishi x Yuu?" It seemed too simple, so I searched my mind, and out of nowhere, I realized that the whole "opposites attract" doctrine couldn't apply more between Taishi and Aya.

Everyone's gotta love Taishi. But I always thought that Aya had so much more depth to her, so much more mystery to her character. I yearned for more to her in the anime, simply because I thought that everyone got some sort of exposure and background. Eimi, Yuu, Chisa, Reiko, Mizuki, even Minami... we got raisones d'etre for all of them. All but Aya.

I didn't think this was fair.

I also thought that Comic Party as a series showcases a very realistic portrayal for such a lighthearted (Relatively speaking) anime. We see success and defeat alike, with realistic reactions, interactions, and simple actions, even. It was with this in mind that I tried to explore my interpretation of Taishi. He's had ups and downs in the series, and I really wanted to expand more upon him as a character, not just as an archetype.

I hope you enjoyed it, and constructive criticism is ALWAYS welcome!

For those who hate angsty fics, I swear, my next one will be a comedy.

OK, cultural note time. 

Sentai is a live-action fighting TV show, a la Power Rangers or VR Troopers.

If you've ever seen about 80 of all anime, you've seen a cherry blossom viewing at some point. Same for the high school stuffs that happen here.

Thanks again for reading, and look for my next work soon!


End file.
